In many situations in life we must be willing to be vulnerable. If you want to find love, you must be willing. If you want to pursue a dream job, you must be willing. Want to learn something new, you must be willing. In almost every aspect of life we must be willing to screw up, show our true self, be who we are and let down the walls.
We must be willing to accept that we are not perfect, we are however, pure love. We come from love and we are made up of love. Does that mean nothing will go wrong? No.
I found myself in a vulnerable position this week and I am here to say, vulnerability may have led to a bad decision. Broken tooth–filling fell out in my sleep–no dentist–visible infection–no insurance–not much cash–fear–can’t eat–get the picture? In that vulnerable state, I realize I must do something so I search the internet for a dental office nearby that will see emergency patients. I find a well known chain and they tell me to come in immediately, exam and x-rays free for new patients.
Tons of x-rays and an evaluation, the dentist tells me there isn’t enough tooth to save, she recommends extraction with sedation (because of my fears). This is on Monday, they can do the surgery Wednesday. I’m concerned that if I don’t do it immediately I will have worse problems and my fear will keep me from doing what needs to be done. The bonus, I don’t have to pay it upfront.
I take the appointment, get a signed release from my doctors office to have the extractions done under sedation, and arrange for my transportation. Several times through this experience I felt like I was getting signs that were saying don’t do this, go elsewhere. I ignored them because I have such a great fear of the dentist that I believed it was my fear talking. It isn’t always easy to know if you are receiving a clear message from the universe of it is just fear getting in the way?
Without going into too many details, I will say this–there was a screw up with prescriptions, there are 3 different doctors listed on my paperwork but only one doctor was present, my face is still swollen, I won’t tell you what my gums look like, and they scheduled no post op. Told me if you aren’t getting dentures, you don’t need a post op.
It can be difficult to allow yourself to be vulnerable after coming through extreme challenges. We all build walls of protection. Yet the only way to move on from those situations is to allow yourself to be vulnerable again.
I’m hoping for a happy ending to my toothache and that will mean I will need to be vulnerable again. Without that vulnerability the pain can only get worse.
What have I learned from a broken tooth–vulnerability and physical pain may not be a good combination, at least for me. Be sure I have a dentist when in one area for any length of time. Don’t immediately assume that fear is talking and particularly if you get the same message more than once. And the biggest lesson of all–I’m still human.